Thursday, June 11, 2015

RIP Christopher Lee....

It is extremely sad for me to announce the death of my horror hero Christopher Lee. Lee has passed away at age 93, and this news has shook the entire world. He was the actor behind my favorite version of Dracula, amongst many other characters of all genres. He had such a hooking ability to his acting, with a sense of darkness that no one else has matched. I give my regards to his family and friends, and to all of his fans that will never forget this legend of cinema. RIP.

Saturday, June 6, 2015

The Wizard of Gore Revisited

After watching that scene in "Juno" yesterday, I just had to put on "The Wizard of Gore" for kicks. It was a nice viewing last night, as I understood the movie a little bit more. By no means was it well made in a technical sense. The acting was terrible, and the plot holes were plentiful. Regardless, the film is fascinating in the way the extreme amounts of gore were put in to movie this early on. It is actually one of the bloodiest horror films I have ever watched. The plot itself is also pretty original, and the twists are mind boggling. I totally recommend watching this film, not because it is a masterpiece, but because it is a very important part of horror history, and one heck of a good time. 

Friday, June 5, 2015

The Wicker Man(2006)


"The Wicker Man"(aka "No Not the Bees") is a 2006 remake of the 1973 masterpiece of the same name. I did not have high standards for this film at all, because I'm not generally a Nicolas Cage fan, and I knew of this movie's terrible reputation. The only reason I own this film is because Amazon sent me it instead of the original by accident. After spending an hour and forty minutes of my time with this schlock, I honestly could not stop laughing. This may be the funniest excuse of cinema I have ever seen, and in an unintentional way. The acting was terrible, the dialogue was about as corny as one could get, and the CGI bees were just horrendous. While the flaws of this movie really docked it down as a horror flick, I definitely enjoyed it as a comedy in every sense. 

The premise of this film revolves around a cop named Edward Malus. He is injured in an explosion right off the bat, and then in the next few minutes he is called upon by his ex-lover Willow to save her missing daughter Rowan. To do this, Edward must travel to an island that is isolated from the rest of the world, and inhabited by a bunch of lunatic women.  I will say that the storyline was pretty awesome, but then I remember that this is a remake, so the plot's greatness doesn't mean squat for this disaster. 

The first curse(or blessing) to this film was the acting. Nicolas Cage didn't surprise me at all with his lackluster performance of 80 minutes monotone and 20 minutes as a completely hilarious lunatic. It makes me scratch my head to think that this same man was an Oscar winner at one point, because he proves to audiences in movies like this that his depth in acting is very very low. I can't say I regret seeing him in this film though, because he honestly gave me the perfect amount of laughter that I needed in my life. I don't even know if Cage realizes how foolish he made himself look in the movie. The women on the island were all very monotone in their performance, and in a sense that was a good and bad thing. In a good sense, it caused more mystery in who they were, but in a bad way it made their dialogue very very dry. 

The dialogue was almost as hysterical as the acting, as it seemed like it was written by a seventh grader. One of the funniest examples is during the climax when the only thing that Cage says is, "B$&@&es" repeatedly. He could've honestly given a memorable line like "A Madhouse" from Planet of the Apes, but no he just spewed out juvenile vulgarities to prove that there was no thought process into making this script. 

The "not the bees" scene/torture scene may be one of the most iconic bad movie scenes I've ever seen, and it's basically the only reason why this movie ever got a 3.  It is the most inappropriately melodramatic yet hilarious thing I have ever seen, and I believe it will go down in history. The bees themselves were terribly created, with cringeworthy CGI to blame. They're not even the reason why this is awesome though. Nicolas Cage's freak out is so funny that I was actually crying from laughing. It is a scene that one has to watch on repeat, because it truly never gets old at all.

Overall, this movie sucks on more levels than any human could imagine. It is one of the laziest efforts I have seen in my entire life, and I don't know how it was released in theaters. At the same time, I could honestly enjoyed laughing at how bad it was. If you do not appreciate watching these awful films, then definitely stay away from this, but if you are in the mood for a laugh, then definitely give it a try because it will do the trick. 

Something Cool I Saw Today..

Today in my ethics class, we were watching a movie called "Juno." While the film isn't in the horror genre, it had a scene where they watched Herschell Gordon Lewis' classic "The Wizard of Gore." I thought this was a really cool thing to do, because the movie is very obscure, and this homage probably gave some exposure to younger audiences. "Juno" itself is a very neat film, and I highly recommend checking it out for this scene and just as a fan of cinema. 

Thursday, June 4, 2015

Creepshow Revisited

The first time I watched "Creepshow" my mind was blown by the awesome stories. They were tales that would make you laugh and shudder at the same time. I honestly thought this was one of the most entertaining films in the genre. In this second viewing, I enjoyed the movie even more, with the jokes being clearer, and the plots sitting better with me. I honestly feel like this film is going to be one that grows my opinion each time, because it has so many little elements to it that need multiple times to find. I think that the thing that still really stuck out to me though was the effects. Whether it was the colorful comic book banners, or Tom Savini's perfect makeup, everything was as impressive as it could be, and really helped the film stand out in the genre. I highly recommend watching this movie if you haven't before, because it is a treasure of horror cinema, and it is one good time. 

My current listing for best to worst "Creepshow" stories:

1. The Crate
2. Something to Tide You Over
3. Father's Day(my former least favorite
4. The Lonesome Death of Jordy Verrill
5. They're Creeping Up On You